party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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