I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
