FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
