why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
