highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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