You just made me feel so damn special
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
