i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
