"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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