maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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