In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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