so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
