it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
