Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
