Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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