Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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