Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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