Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
