i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
