are you still at the devil's house?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Buhtt sex?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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