After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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