Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
