How's work?
Spinning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
