I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
