Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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