Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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