Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
