3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
