I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
