Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
