video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
