I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
