On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
