The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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