I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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