oh god the rape fog is back!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
