I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
