sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
