I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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