is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
