I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
