i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
