and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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