Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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