man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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