Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
