The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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