I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
