just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
