so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
