did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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