This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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